Funny yet helpful OPINIONS about what could or should be done about one's bad situation

Situation: "A girl was in such deep distress" personal problema perhaps.. She ask some close friend via text message an here's how conversation went..

"First Friend to the Rescue!"
Girl: I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!
Friend Yellow: Why? What happened please tell me..
Girl: It's over. Soo over. I'm gonna DIE!
Friend Yellow: Please don't say that.. You are not going to die..
Girl: I know.. I've been saying it for like a 100x yet nothing happens.. I'm gonna DIE!
Friend Yellow: Hugs.. Don't ruin your day because of that. This time you know your better right?
Girl: No, I don't wanna stay here.. Not right now.. I don't know what to do..
Friend Yellow: You know what you can do this.. CRY. And tell me everything you hoped and expected.. All your heart aches.. That is what my bestfriend and I do.. Just let me know if you want to do it. I'll always be ready to listen..
Girl: All I did tell you, its true.. I'm sure I'm dead..
Friend Yellow: It sucks, big time..=c I just hope people around you will know your worth, you have the right to expect something deeper, more than that because the way they treat you..
Girl: Darn it.. I'm gonna die!
Friend Yellow: Dumbass-good for nothing bastard for making you be like that and for the false hopes they left.. Worthless playah that you could smash anytime you want.. I love you..
Girl: You are so mean.. I just need a hug.. Thank you for being there.. (usual answers! ha-ha!)

"The BEST FRIEND from afar"
Girl: I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!
BF: Ha? Anu ka ba? Wag ka ngang NEGA! Wag mo na isipin yan..
Girl: I'm certain most of the time.. Heto ang outcome.. I'm too confident, ganito pala yun..
BF: *** ka kasi eh masyadon kang naging passive pagdating dyantuloy nagiging madrama pero I look up to you kasi I know malakas ka kaya ako now? Malakas na at ready to fight bahala na kung magkasugatan ang important nagtry ka diba?
Girl: I just hope it will flow to me peacefully, no marks so that it will be easy for me.. I wish everything will be as simple just like a snap it will fade smoothly..
BF: Pero we are bound to get wounds and bruises right? So fight! Dadating naman yung moment kahit sugatan kana basta kapalit nun eh pusong totoo pwede na.Ü follow through..--Fave line ko from Marimar: "Kinamumuhian kita Sergio! Di nako maniniwal sa pagmamahal mo" hahaha applicable kay *****!
Girl: @#$%^&*!!! Sana may load ako para matawagan kita para marinig mo gaano ka krispy nun! Wahaha! You make me happy.. Thank you..
BF: Ayan tumatawa kana.. Yun naman ang goal ko mapatawa kita dahil nagseset up ka ng dramaton sa hapon.Ü
Girl: I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! Kaya ko to diba? I just need some time alone.. I miss you..
BF: Basta pagkita natin gagawin natin lahat katatawan lahat yan..
Girl: Thanks! Keep safe! I love you..
BF: I love you..

"The Online Short Hair Friend"
SH: Girl
Girl: SH
to be continue..