things left unsaid

I want to tell a lot of things to the other. But something keeps on stopping me, now I think this is the perfect opportunity to articulate what I have to say.

To start with, writing is really not my thing. As a matter of fact I'm bad at it.

These past few days were horrible, to the extent that I am still working on my over-extended deadline research paper. I admit that whenever laziness strikes I can't help but to become unproductive and worthless dumbass. And found myself at the bed lying and eating a lot of carbs (poor fatass ). Now I am slowly engaging myself into something retard (singing out of tune). So, I'm planning the "next THING", telling this... you know three words eight letters blah-blah. Isn't better to do it in actions instead of telling the other verbally? This is totally absurd, I kept on asking myself and I'm sure I'm dead if I ask myself again. I've been doing it over and over. But nothings change. I am drowned here, in this disposition that no one could ever know what I am going through. I do know that things will never be the same again with me and the other. However, there's still a little hope in me, that everything happened was just a nightmare. A nightmare that could be swept away the moment I wake up to the reality. Perhaps, my reality is also my worst nightmare ever. Ha-ha! Funny crap. The other tried patching things up but I became more pessimistic about the situation, about everything. I cannot keep myself from thinking bad things, until I came into my senses that I have to deal with it as if nothing is wrong. Pretending sucks, but I have no idea on what step to take, to surpass this dilemma. I don’t want the other to be getting affected too much, because I know that it wouldn’t be healthy for us both. Sighs. My memory makes me nostalgic, but suddenly everything was ruined.